The concept of excess through inter-personal relationship and hoarding

INTRODUCTION

“Live life in excess” are the four words that set the stage for an unparalleled experience.
Excess is for the select few that savor the extra special in life, with the perfect blend of progressive global cuisine, an international live band, an in house DJ and world-class bartenders, excess is a lifestyle. So indulge, live it up and experience life in excess”.

Does this advrt. represent the mantra of modern man? Should we define whether this is normal/abnormal, physiological/pathological, individual/social, miasmatic/de-miasmatic etc.?  You may ask me why I am making the things perplexing. You may argue that these issues are already difficult. You may also render the philosophy – ‘Just go ahead’. ‘Indulge’. ‘Don’t think more’. ‘Just flow yourself’. ‘Life is large and a human being is too small to enjoy the excess of life’ etc. etc.

What is excess? Excess is a relative term. Individual priorities and resources have a big say in the issue of excess. Still, excess can be defined, provided we do study the interconnections and parameters well! The social parameters should not be brushed aside. The conscience is the individual parameter.

We will try to discuss the issue of excess in two ways – inter-personal relationship and hoarding. For a homeopath, it is essential to know the dimensions of excess. He has to first define what is normal and then has to decide what is excess or abnormal.

Interpersonal relationship

Let us begin with relationships. It is said that life is nothing but relationships. An interpersonal relationship is an association between two or more people that may range from fleeting to enduring. Interpersonal relationships are formed in the context of social, cultural and other influences and they can vary from family or kinship relations, friendship, marriage, relations with associates, work, clubs, neighborhood, places of worship, nay, any subject.

Relationships usually involve some level of interdependence. People in a relationship tend to influence each other, share their thoughts and feelings and engage in activities. Because of this interdependence, most things that change or impact one member of the relationship will have some impact on the other member. The study of interpersonal relationship involves several branches of the social sciences, such as sociology, psychology, anthropology etc.

Interpersonal relationships are dynamic systems that change continuously during their existence. Like living organisms, relationships have a beginning, a life span and an end. They tend to grow and improve gradually, as people get to know each other and become closer emotionally or they deteriorate as people drift apart, move on with their lives and form new relationships.

George levinger’s model

Psychologist George Levinger proposed one of the most influential models of relationship development. According to this model, the natural development of a relationship follows five stages:

1. Acquaintance: Becoming acquainted depends on previous relationships, physical proximity, first impressions and a variety of other factors. If two people begin to like each other, continued interactions may lead to the next stage, but acquaintance can continue indefinitely.
2. Build-up: During this stage, people begin to trust and care about each other. The need for intimacy, compatibility and other filtering agents as common background and goals will influence whether or not interaction continues.
3. Continuation: This stage follows a mutual commitment to a long-term friendship, romantic relationship or marriage. It is generally a long, relatively stable period. Nevertheless, continued growth and development will occur during this time. Mutual trust is important for sustaining the relationship.
4. Deterioration: Not all relationships deteriorate, but those that do tend to show signs of trouble. Boredom, resentment and dissatisfaction may occur and individuals may communicate less and avoid self-disclosure. Loss of trust and betrayal may take place as the downward spiral continues, eventually ending the relationship. (Alternately, the participants may find some way to resolve the problems and reestablish trust.)
5. Termination: The final stage marks the end of the relationship, either by separation or by death in the case of a healthy relationship.

The benefit of this model is that one can see the stage in which the quality of relationship exists and one can anticipate the outcome.

Relationships: new and too many

Every new relationship opens up new explorations, new worlds, new avenues, new possibilities, new responsibilities, new learning and it adds to the repertoire of life. When a person is unrelated, he is alone but with the relationship, sharing begins. This addition may be positive, negative or neutral. If the relations are positive, they foster; negative relations result in severing and finally cutting them off. It is necessary that the objective of relations should be clearly defined. Many good relations wither out of no common goal or the relations remain at frivolous level. It is interesting to note that a person harvests and nurtures the relationship and a person is also molded by it.

Some people don’t see the demerits multiple relations. They get swayed away by the influences relations exert upon them. Remember, relationships cause a lot of chaos in the life and there is an extra burden of maintaining them as time flows by. “We are more affected by our relation to each other than by our physical environment…the serious dangers and troubles of human life arise from difficulties of adjustment with our social environment” (Perkins, 1898 as cited in Appelrouth&Edles, 2008). Perkins lends support to the idea that human evolution is no longer based on the natural environment, but the social environment, which we have created.

It is important to figure out who the most significant people in life are, that demand our attention and time and those that are keeping us occupied for no reason. Managing the relationships is as important as managing the time. The best example in this digital world is the use of social media like Facebook and Twitter! There are many people in our friend list whom we do not even remember and we still share personal matters with them. Life will become more complex if one enters into multiple relationships. The relations should be based on quality rather than on quantity. It is better to be truly loved by few rather than just liked by all. Do we want to be known by a lot of people who hardly understand us? There is a qualitative difference between business relations and intimate relations. Intimate relations are based on the foundation of trust, love and personal sharing.

Relationships: toxic

People are often after new relations; they get bored soon and approach new relations. Some people sway between old and new relations. Most of the people are discontented with the existing relations and they run for new relations in search of happiness. Some relations are fixed, given to us by the Almighty. Our parents, grandparents, sisters, brothers, even neighbors are fixed! In the office, we have the same colleagues with us for a long time. Discontentment is a result if the wavelength doesn’t match. Then relations take up the shape based on the dispositions that the involved individuals carry. The discontentment has to be defined in detail. A person’s wishes, intentions, aspirations, ambitions, motives, needs and greed – all play a role. However, priorities do surpass all factors for the majority of people. People put their priorities first and try to fulfill them at the cost of others. Then mutual symbiosis disappears and one-sided affair ends the relations. Once fulfilling the demands becomes a burden, harmony is affected. Limitations of the concerned people are not to be overlooked.

In the capitalistic world of today, ‘usability’ concept has become so dominant that everyone has to bear the brunt of it. Capitalism dehumanizes human beings and it becomes a major concern of poor relationship and consequently poor health.

Active conflict in the relationship may cause relations to be toxic. It is compulsive for many people to continue with toxic relations. Remember, toxic relations are major causes of illness for human beings and they outweigh the infectious diseases. In the so-called life style related diseases, the role of toxic relations can’t be underestimated. Toxic relations irritate, erode the people; the honour, the esteem is confronted, challenged as well as hurt over the years and persons involved can’t cope up for long.

Homeopathic perspective

Interview through (exploring) the inter-personal relationship yields rewards! Exploring each individual family member in terms of emotions, characters, personality types and then portraying the concerned patient’s image is one of the rewarding techniques of the interview.The homeopathic interview should be deep enough to perceive the essential characters that make a person unique.

It is the underlying miasmatic activity, which is responsible for the quality of relations. The relations in psoricmiasm are strained due to emotional overactivity but aren’t cut off. Meeting the emotional needs of the concerned people reduces the strain in psoricmiasm. The sycotic relations are with chronic strains and are associated with many negative emotions that are hoarded inside. Grudges, resentments, disappointments, jealousy, internalization of anger etc. characterize the phase of sycosis. Tubercular and syphilitic relations take on deviant and perverted routes and represent animal instincts in human beings.
Let us deal with our remedies, the living, throbbing individuals of our materiamedica.

Ars-alb longs for the company in an obsessive way, chiefly to alleviate his inner fears and anxieties. He can’t tolerate being alone. His demand for order in even a trifling matter puts others in a ‘driving state’. His miserly, malicious, selfish and censorious dispositions put the relations under strain. Ars-alb. may make relations toxic esp. close relations. Excess is pushing, severe anxiety, harping on mistakes of others and demands for perfection.

Pulsatillacraves company out of her abandoned feeling and is an attention monger. Inter-personal relations are like an O₂ for Puls. She is after too many relations. Her indecisiveness also plays a part. She is not all sugar. Her excessive, importunate but passive demands and craving for something more make the relations uninteresting. Puls is “given to extremes of pleasure and pain, of sentiments or moods.” Puls doesn’t make the relations toxic. Out of her coyness and infantile character, she withdraws from annoying and threatening relations. Excess is IN being a leech and being greedy.

Kali-carb is also for the company. But she has some say in relations. She likes company but may treat the persons disgracefully. Attachment is the basis of kali carb and she can’t tolerate separation. She likes to continue harmonious relations with others. Kali carb puts too much anxiety in relations and this disturbs close relations. She withdraws from toxic relations. She suppresses her anger in relations and become sorrowful. Excess is attachment, anger, anxiety and sensitivity. Kali-iod. is, however, different; the family relations are strained and he is excessively abusive towards his family members (like Scorp.).

It is interesting to observe how the family dynamics affect the individuals in the family. I had a family in which Anacardium was born and the whole family lost peace and honour. It became increasingly difficult to control the rage and destructiveness of Anac. Court, criminality and jail became regular ordeals.

Whenever we will think of toxic relations, remedies like Anac, Acid-nit., Hyos., Ver-alb., Merc-sol, Lach. etc. should be thought of. I recall a case of a daughter who had an inter-caste marriage against the wish of the parents and the father who was an Acid-nit type, literally wanted to kill the couple. Life for the couple was of threat and torture. Father didn’t forgive and couldn’t deviate himself from his acidic behavior. Prolonged toxic relation was the chief cause of chronic grief for the daughter.

Hyoscyamus craves company, but it is more for sexuality. He may be generous towards strangers and avarice towards his own family members. There is a rubric under Hyos, ‘grasps greedily with both hands anything offered to him’ and this indicates his avarice state. He has a strong delusion that he is not at home and he can’t recognize his relatives. These two aspects indicate his state of detachment. Excess is his foolishness, sexuality, jealousy and suspiciousness – all contribute to making the relations toxic.

Hoarding and excess

Hoarding is a natural and adaptive instinct. It is basic for survival. People take joy in hoarding. They feel honoured. They feel worthy that they are able to collect something out of this prodigious universe! Humans always feel short of mundane goods. Insecurity hovers! For, insecurity is also basic. Humans are sensitive to shortages. They are after filling the gaps, perpetually! They feel empty, vacant, unfilled and incomplete! How can I be incomplete in this world? I will do everything possible to make me adequate. The journey continues…

Hoarding has two sides–physiological and pathological. It’s like need and greed. The demarcating line between them is indistinct for many people. Hoarding to what extent? What have the people been collecting? Stockpiling of unnecessary things in an obsessive way is certainly pathological. Hoarding may have varying degrees depending on abundance. But this is not always true. Humans hoard in spite that the resources are sufficient and even capabilities are poor. The unnecessary rules the necessary! Humans are nostalgic. They are the only species that hoard.

Are we turning into a generation of hoarders? The recent survey in Britain has suggested that half of the space in brits’ homes is occupied by what could only be deemed as junk, ranging from toys to old computers and even clothes. The growth in consumerism, globalization and availability of money lead to junk and clutter. One should not blame external causes only; the real cause springs from within. I would like to quote, “The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak” – Hans Hofmann (Introduction to the Bootstrap, 1993). Steven Anderson and his fellow neurologists at the University of Iowa found a link between indiscriminate hoarding and injuries to the brain’s right mesial prefrontal cortex.

Homeopathic perspective

For a homeopath, it is necessary to study what makes a person to hoard pathologically. One of my patients was a shopaholic and it was an overt reaction of the lady towards the husband who was humiliating her. Hoarding was the revengeful act!  Another case – A person from a well-to-do family was begging for money and he used to become restless if he was with less money.

This was an embarrassing situation for the family and Platina helped this case. Still another case – an exuberant lady with psychosis went on visiting malls one after another and returned after she had exhausted all her money. Her house was full of all kinds of stuff, the house could be better termed as ‘trash’ and everything was crammed into shelves, cabinets, on top of tables and counters or even piled up in certain rooms, entryways and hallways throughout their house. Her husband was telling me that in their small apartment it has become difficult even to walk! Veratrum album helped this case.
Let us view and discuss some prominent remedies of selfishness.

Calc-carb’s selfishness is rooted in his insecurity coupled with intellectual averageness. He knows that he is not capable to deliver excellence and he has to depend on others. In addition to this, he is idle and averse to work. His excess fat body makes him indolent. Calc hoards in order that the collected objects can be of use when needed. He hoards also the people on whom he can lean upon. He is a routinist and conformist and hence more self-centered too. He engages himself more in his family, in his home and deprives himself of the vivacity of life. Calcareas are cheerful when the things are worked out by others and they become a victim of the trap “my happiness is your responsibility”.

No remedy matches Sulphur in being selfish! The concept with Sulphur is ‘what is mine is mine and what is yours is also mine’. He is unconcerned with others and just thinks of himself. He constructs a model world in his head and there is fixity about it. He is a great collector and he doesn’t want to give his things to others. His house is like a shop and too many objects make him messy and disorganized. Mean mindedness, egocentricity; haughtiness and detachment characterize his life. He is a great gambler. Sulphur has two sides – one, which is materialistic, and the other non-materialistic. He hoards objects but is indifferent to use them. Excess is also ‘indifference to external things’ and philosophical leaning which play a role. He hoards knowledge more and that makes him excessively egoistic.

What can be said about vegetable Sulphur, our opportunistic and pompous Lycopodium? His appetite is for excessive appreciation. Inflation of ego and encroachment on others for satisfying ‘id’ is his way of life. He hoards objects of highly expensive type and boasts of his achievements. He has excessive lust of power and he uses all tricks to remain in power. He is a charlatan and a cheater who uses others for his self. Lyc may be called as a representative of the modern capitalistic society where people are valued on the basis of their usability. The prolonged sycotic miasmatic activity is at the base for excess.

Excess of Plumbum met is in self-indulgence. It is indicated for the types who have been egoistic, selfish throughout their lives and have enjoyed the best of everything. They hoard expensive objects, like to wear branded and foppish clothes and watches and like to decorate their homes with lavish furniture. They gain money out of deceiving and cheating the people. Plumbums are usually found in politics and hi-fi society and they are unconcerned with the sufferings of the poor people.

There is an interesting rubric, ‘Mind, desire, more than she needs’ and the remedies are Ars, Ars-s-f, Bar-s, Bry, Zinc-p. Arsenicum’s greedy disposition demands more and more and that too in a perfect manner. In Ars-s-f, both Ars and Sulph make a double expression of greed. Bry is calculative and money minded and his demands are centered on his inner insecurity. Zinc has fear of robbers, of being imprisoned or buried alive and these fears play a big role in ‘desires’ in excess.

Conclusion

Excess has been discussed in terms of inter-personal relationship and hoarding. As a matter of fact, excess touches every field of our life. Excess has to be defined in an individual instance. Miasmatic assessment of excess is necessary for perceiving it in all dimensions. All miasms-psora, sycosis, tubercular and syphilis represent excess. In Psora, there is excess but there is recognition and control. The uncontrollingbegins from sycosis. Hence, a person of sycotic influence goes on adding unabated. In tubercular and syphilitic miasms there is perversion of excess that destroys the people.